Announcing the First Annual Medical Humor Writing Contest!

Here are the qualifications:

1) Must be at least 1000 words. There is no upper limit on word length.

2) Must relate to medicine in some way. I can be extremely flexible on this. It can be your experience as a premed, medical student, physician, nurse, physician assistant, or even patient. I would accept anything ranging from how you worked as a nurse treating ebola in Africa (or Colorado) to a medical school interview gone wrong.

3) Must have some element of humor. It does not have to be laugh out loud funny, but at least make me crack a tiny smile.

4) Deadline is October 15, 2014

5) Multiple submissions are permitted. There is no entry fee.

6) Must be HIPAA compliant (no patient identifiers)

What do you win?

First prize will be a $25 gift certificate on Amazon.

In order to have completely objective judging, Dr. Grumpy has agreed to help me by selecting among my favorite choices to anonymously pick the winner.

All submissions of reasonable quality will be collected and published in a book of medical stories that will be available on Amazon. By submitting, you are giving your approval to be included in this book. All profits from the book will be donated to Red Cross.

Email all submissions to with the subject Writing Contest Entry. Make sure you include a title and byline.

Aww yeah, y’all know the Medblrs gonna get in on this.

(To clarify: Dr. Grumpy and Dr. Cranquis are not related. We’re just 2 of the 7 medical dwarves.)


Anonymous asked:

In your post about firing patients I saw you mention narcotic contract violations....what is a narcotic contract? And what kind of violations are there?

wayfaringmd answered:

A narcotic contract is something we do with patients who are on chronic opioid medication. Sometimes we do it with chronic benzodiazepine use as well. It’s all about the terms under which we are willing to prescribe those meds. Every pain management clinic I know of does them.

We write up the contract to say that we agree to prescribe their medication if the patient agrees:

  • the patient must be willing to submit to random urine drug screening
  • if meds are “lost” or “stolen” they cannot be re-prescribed until they are due the next month
  • patient agrees to take their meds only at the dose and frequency prescribed
  • they understand that refills will be given for running out early at the doctor’s discretion.
  • they will not obtain opiates from other doctors or will notify us first if they do
  • they will get all their medications from one pharmacy
  • they agree not to do illegal drugs
  • they will not give away or sell their medications

Most of my patients are very compliant with this agreement, but like I said before, we do fire people over this fairly frequently if they violate any of those terms. Our most common violations are inappropriate urine drug screens (either they show up negative for a drug they should be taking, or have drugs they shouldn’t be taking in their system) or obtaining drugs from other docs. 





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Reblog the fuck out of this